really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
