I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bring me that man meat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
