Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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