So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
