I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
