I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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