I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
