the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
