you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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