kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
