so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
