just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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