After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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