At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
