I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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