remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
