i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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