need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think my tv is drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
