Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
