i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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