Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
