i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
