My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
