I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
