I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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