I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
