he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
