she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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