It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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