i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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