she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
