Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I could fuck to npr.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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