I've blown a few things in my day
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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