last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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