I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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