as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
