and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
