I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
