I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
