We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
MIDGETS
????
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
