Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
