Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
