I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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