I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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