sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
