I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
