I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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