Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
