I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you had me at cake vodka
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't turn off my feet"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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