I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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