I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
