then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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