Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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