we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We are two peas in an std pod
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
