The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
