Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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