I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
