id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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