dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
