Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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