I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
