If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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