Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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