if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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