Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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