Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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