But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
