i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
