I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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