I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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