I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize