My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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