Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
