So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
