you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I looked at my own cervix.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
