Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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