6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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