I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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