i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
