billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
