I'm really into asian looking animals
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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