Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
