i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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