He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
