how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
